Brace yourself this is one lone blog entry. You were warned.
Last Sunday Faye and I had the privilege of sharing our experiences, failures, success, and love story to over 40 young people in our church. It was a great day for us as we (Faye and me) recalled how God enabled us to wait for “the right one” and kept ourselves pure until the wedding day. A lot of the young men and women were inspired and dedicated their lives that day to keep themselves pure and “set apart” for God’s best.
In line with the activity we had a split discussion, separating the gents from the ladies, as there are topics or questions that most men or women will find awkward talking about in front of the opposite sex. We had a very fruitful discussion, me with the gents and Faye with the ladies. However, we (the guys) felt bad that our discussion time was cut-short as we had limited time to talk about a lot of inquiries. I still have with me the questions that the guys wrote down and as I was browsing through them I felt that “these questions need justification” and therefore I am writing this “Aftermath” for all the questions that were not answered last Sunday. I believe that some (if not all) of the questions are also applicable to the ladies.
Hope you guys are reading this so that you can get the answer you are seeking for J
How should I enjoy being single and get rid of the feeling that i had for someone? Given that I always see her (or him for the ladies) and how should I control my feelings?
- This was tackled during the discussion and I was able to share my own personal experience with the same situation. The answer is: You cannot overcome pain and enjoy singleness without the help of the Lord. To enjoy singleness to the full is to focus all your attention, thoughts, and emotion to Jesus and Jesus alone. Remember that the bible teaches us that we should “Love the Lord with all your heart, mind, and strength.” Only then will you truly enjoy the time of waiting in singleness. As for the lingering feeling of pain I asked God during that time that “if it is your perfect will that we (me and my ex) are meant for each other please help me endure the time of waiting, BUT if you have better plans for me please take away the feelings that I have for her so that I will not fall into sin.”
Do you advise Dating as a means of finding the right person?
- Well, there is no other way for you to know the person than through dating. Just to make things clear: dating is a form of courtship (pangliligaw). This is used for two different persons to know the other better. Know the family, know the friends, know the hobbies/interest/dislikes. To know. And dating is not just going out to eat or watch a movie, dating can also be attending family gatherings (of the person you are dating), taking part on activities that interests the both of you (like going on an outreach). Remember the following proverbs:
o Know the family – Kung ano ang puno, ay siyang bunga (the apple does not fall far from the tree)
o Know the friends – Tell me who your friends are and I can tell who you are.
o Know the person – “You shall know them by their fruits”
When is it the right time to start dating?
- Ask your parents and honor their answer. If your parents told you to wait until you have finished college before dating anyone, then wait until you graduate college and have presented your diploma to your parents. If your parents say yes, then go ahead – you already have their blessings. The bottom line here is that if you want your future children to honor you, honor your parents today. I’m telling this to you not as a superior/better person, but as a Kuya who was once like you are today J. If for whatever reason you cannot ask your parents seek the counsel of your church pastor or youth leader.
Maaari po bang makahingi ng sign sa Diyos? (Can I ask God for a sign?)
- Yes. All throughout the Bible men of God ask Him for signs to know what his will is. This is a way of seeking the will of the Lord in your life before making any major decision. But remember this, the enemy (Satan) can also use this method to point you to the wrong direction or to the wrong person if you are definite with your prayer. Remember Joshua in the Old Testament, when he prayed to God he asked God to give him a sign to make sure that his decisions are in line with the Lord’s. He asked God by putting a fleece (balabal na gawa sa balahibo ng tupa) outside his tent and prayed, “Lord if you may, please have the ground surrounding the fleece wet and the fleece dry so that I may know that you are with me.” The next day when Joshua woke up he saw that the ground was wet and the fleece was dry, he asked for the opposite the next day and it still happened. In the same way we cannot know if God’s best is already in front of you if you do not have “The List”.
Paano ko po malalalaman na siya na yung will ni Lord? (how do I know if he/she is already the right one?)
- As I have earlier said, you need to keep with you a List. This is not the list of bills that you need to pay, or the list for your grocery. The list that you need to have is the attributes that you are looking for in a person. To help you with this take time to talk to you parents (hindi mahalaga kung ano ang edad mo) about it, they can give you advises as to what kind of person should you be praying for. Remember the 1st commandment with a promise: Honor your parents so that you may live a long and fruitful life. Your parents will appreciate you for that.
- If in case that you do not have parents or if you barely talk to your parents (for whatever reason) you may also seek the counsel of your pastor/church elder/or youth leader. Just remember if you are a guy, please seek the counsel of a man. And if you are a girl, please seek the counsel of a woman.
- Here is an example of the list that I had before I met my wife
o She should love God more than me
o She should be a involved in a ministry in church
o She should be respectful to her parents
o God will use her to draw me closer to Him and make my relationship with the Lord stronger.
o She is pretty J
o She respects me and my decisions
o She is not materialistic
o God will use her to help me overcome my spiritual struggles
o She will cause me to praise God and thank God for each day
o I can see Jesus in her
Kelan po siya dadating? (When will she (or he) come?)
- Bukas mga bandang 5:34 ng hapon sa may tapat ng Jollibee malapit sa sakayan ng tricycle papasok ng village. Don’t expect this kind of response from God. You will know if she (or he) is the right one when all of the items that you are praying for in the checklist are fulfilled.
Why is it na yung taong pinagpe-pray mo ay walang feelings para sa iyo? Kailangan ba aminin sa kanya ang nararamdaman? (Why is it that the person I am praying for does not have feelings for me? Do I have to confess my feelings?)
- Prayer does not start or end when the other person already has feelings towards you. Prayer is seeking God’s will in your life and aligning yourself to his perfect will. If you are a man you will let the woman know of your TRUE intentions, whether she accepts your feelings or not respect that. That is a true mark of a man. On the other hand if you are a woman, NEVER make the first move.
What if you did not wait for God’s best and got the wrong one?
- I am assuming here that you are still in the boyfriend/girlfriend stage. First let’s define the meaning of “the right one”: this is the person that God has prepared for you to be your “Partner/Helpmate” that will help you grow as a Christian and draw you closer to God. Now “the wrong one” is the opposite of that person. If that is the case you have 2 choices: a. Choose to follow God or b. Choose to stay with the person. If you choose A God will honor your action and bless you by leading you to “the right one”. If you choose B you will have to bear the consequences of disobeying God.
Ano po ba ang misyon ni Lord sa aking buhay habang single pa ako? (What is God’s mission in my life while I am still single?)
- I learned from one of my old pastors that singleness is the time of dedication & commitment to the Lord. This is the time when God will test you of your commitment and dedication to him alone. Because when you get married that commitment is cut into half. When you get to have children that commitment is again cut into half. Example: if your level of commitment to the Lord is 100 when you become married that becomes 50, and when you start to have children that level becomes 25. As the future head of the family (for the guys) and future wives your mission today is to grow your commitment in the Lord so by the time you get married and have a family of your own you can also lead your family to be committed to the Lord. If the guy’s commitment level is 100 and the girl’s commitment level is also 100, if they get married it will be 50+50=100. That is a perfect match! Just as God said in the Genesis “and the two shall become one”.
Paano po manligaw? (How do I court a woman?)
- This is very loooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnggggggggg topic. Email me at aria_chelabian@yahoo.com and I will share with you some of the things that I have done for my wife (that I am still doing today) J courtship or panliligaw does not end by the time that she says “yes” or after she says “I do”. It is a lifestyle.
Paano po humingi ng patawad at makipagbalikan sa taong mahal mo? (How do I ask for forgiveness and reconcile with the person that I love?)
- Humility. Be humble, admit the mistake, and ask for forgiveness. Do not expect anything from other person (forgiveness, acceptance, etc). Use the words “Patawarin mo ako” or “Please forgive me.” Do not use “sorry”, even dogs know how to be sorry but only a repentant person can ask for forgiveness. Even if you are not the one who started it or the one who made the mistake still ask for forgiveness.
Paano po ba magtatagal ang isang relasyon? (How do you make a relationship last?)
- Any relationship (boy-girl, family, friends, churchmates, schoolmates, checkmate, etc.) that is not centered on Jesus is not lasting. Kung gusto mo magtagal ang kahit anong relationship mo sa ibang tao lagi mo silang idedicate sa panginoon para Siya ang hahawak sa inyong mga buhay.
Is having a girlfriend (or boyfriend) bad?
- No. But disobeying your parent is bad.
What will I do if I have already failed to wait?
- Ask for forgiveness to the Lord kasi pinangunahan mo ang will nya. Ask him renew your heart and ask Him to help you make the most out of what you now have. As it is said in the Bible, “If my people will turn from their wicked ways and return to me I will heal their land.” God is the god of 2nd chance. It does not mean that you will no longer face the consequences of your mistake (what you sow you shall reap) it is just that God is gracious & merciful enough to help you and bless you while you are reaping your consequence.
Ano po ba ang feeling ng first kiss? (How does a first kiss feel?)
- My first kiss with my wife was on our wedding day when the pastor said “You may now kiss the bride”. It feels like riding a roller coaster scary, exciting, and fun! Best experience ever. Until now I still feel the same every time I kiss my wife.
Bukod po kay Kristo meron po bang ibang tao na walang kasalanan? (Aside from Christ is there anyone that never had any sin?)
- “No one is righteous, not even one. For all went their own way. None seeks after the Lord” –Romans 8:28
Paano po ako mapapalapit sa Diyos? (How can I become closer to God?)
- Have you ever made anything, other than God, more important in your life? Have you ever skipped Sunday service? Have you ever used the God’s name as an expression (ex. OMG, @!#$maryosep)? Have you ever prayed to a statue? Have you ever disobeyed your parents? Have you ever lied? Taken anything that does not belong to you? Have you ever hated anyone? Have you ever looked with lust on another person? Nainggit ka na bas a kapwa mo? If your answer is “Yes” to any one of these question you have already broken God’s command and also His heart.
- Take the time to reflect on your past actions and ask God to forgive you of your sins.
- Pray that Jesus would enter your heart and make it his home. Decide to make Jesus the master of your life and that His will must be done not yours.
- Start reading your bible and live a life according to God’s will. J
I am not a love-guru or an expert in the matters of the heart. I am just sharing what Faye and I experienced in our life. And we want everyone to experience the same awesome, blessed, and joyful experience that we had during the courtship all the way to our married life. In the final note, let God write your own love story. He is the best author there is in the whole universe.
